



You Are a Chocolate Chip Muffin |
You are an interesting set of contradictions. You are innocent yet bold. Funky yet predictable. You are a bit dramatic and showy. You love attention. And you know how to charm people into giving you what you want. You are very determined and ambitious... but you're also lazy. Success tends to come easily for you. You often “luck out”. |
Your Pilgrim Name Is |
Prudence Fletcher |
You Are a Cranberry and Popcorn Strung Tree |
Christmas is all about showcasing your creative talents. From cookies to nicely wrapped presents, your unique creations impress everyone. |
god made dispatchers
06/12/07 8:25PM ..... (Wayne from NC)
And God created dispatchers...
The angel walked in and found the Lord walking around in a small circle muttering to himself.
"What are you working on now, Lord?" asked the angel.
"Well, I finished creating a police officer, now I'm working on a dispatcher."
Since the angel could see nothing in the room, he asked God to tell him about it.
"It's somewhat like the police officer model. It has five hands; one for answering the phone, two for typing, one for answering the radio and one for grabbing a cup of coffee."
"The arms had to be placed carefully since all the tasks a dispatcher does have to be performed simultaneously."
"The digestive system is a little complicated. It runs on coffee, vending machine food and food that can be delivered."
"I made the skin tempered Duralite covered Teflon. A dispatcher's skin has to be tough enough to withstand darts from cranky officers, jabs from citizens and lack of attention from administration."
"Unlike a police officer, it only needs one pair of eyes. That leaves extra room for all the ears it needs. There are five sets of ears; one for the telephone, one for the main radio, two for the other radios that need to be monitored and the last pair to hear everything else going on around it."
"All the ears fit right into the head which has to also fit a brain capable of; remembering a full set of ten and signal codes, elements of crimes, criminal vs. civil, phonetic alphabet, how to handle every imaginable type of call, what questions to ask for every imaginable type of call, hundreds of voices, the contents of 3 SOP manuals, two teletype manuals, an NCIC code book, the individual quirks of each Lieutenent, Sergeant, officer, Watch Commander and supervisor."
"There also has to be room for it to make a decision, in 10 seconds or less, on the appropriate way to handle a situation and the appropriate units to send, while talking on the telephone, talking on the radio, running driver license checks and helping the citizen at the window."
"The dispatcher must have an abundance of patience. I've made the patience center extra large and added three fuses to handle the overload."
"There are overload switches for emotions. Its heart must not break when it talks to a mother whose child has just died. It has to talk to a rape victim and show empathy, a suicidal person and show calmness and reassurance and an abusive drunk without getting angry. When one of the officers yells for help, it can't panic. There is a soft spot for frightened children, abandoned or hurt animals and little old ladies who are lonely and just need to talk to someone."
The angel looked around and said, "The dispatcher sounds wonderful, Lord. Where is this amazing creation?"
"Well you see," answered the Lord, "dispatchers are invisible unless they make a mistake. Now that I have created one, I can't see the original model to make enough of them to go around."
----Author unknown
Christmas Rules For Dogs
1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.
2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know: - Don't pee on the tree - Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree - Mind your tail when you are near the tree - If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open - Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree
5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part: - Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans - Don't eat off the buffet table - Beg for goodies subtly - Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa - Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach
6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important: - Observe all the rules in 4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important) - Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house - Tolerate children - Turn on your charm big time
7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON'T BITE HIM!!