god made dispatchers
06/12/07 8:25PM ..... (Wayne from NC)
And God created dispatchers...
The angel walked in and found the Lord walking around in a small circle muttering to himself.
"What are you working on now, Lord?" asked the angel.
"Well, I finished creating a police officer, now I'm working on a dispatcher."
Since the angel could see nothing in the room, he asked God to tell him about it.
"It's somewhat like the police officer model. It has five hands; one for answering the phone, two for typing, one for answering the radio and one for grabbing a cup of coffee."
"The arms had to be placed carefully since all the tasks a dispatcher does have to be performed simultaneously."
"The digestive system is a little complicated. It runs on coffee, vending machine food and food that can be delivered."
"I made the skin tempered Duralite covered Teflon. A dispatcher's skin has to be tough enough to withstand darts from cranky officers, jabs from citizens and lack of attention from administration."
"Unlike a police officer, it only needs one pair of eyes. That leaves extra room for all the ears it needs. There are five sets of ears; one for the telephone, one for the main radio, two for the other radios that need to be monitored and the last pair to hear everything else going on around it."
"All the ears fit right into the head which has to also fit a brain capable of; remembering a full set of ten and signal codes, elements of crimes, criminal vs. civil, phonetic alphabet, how to handle every imaginable type of call, what questions to ask for every imaginable type of call, hundreds of voices, the contents of 3 SOP manuals, two teletype manuals, an NCIC code book, the individual quirks of each Lieutenent, Sergeant, officer, Watch Commander and supervisor."
"There also has to be room for it to make a decision, in 10 seconds or less, on the appropriate way to handle a situation and the appropriate units to send, while talking on the telephone, talking on the radio, running driver license checks and helping the citizen at the window."
"The dispatcher must have an abundance of patience. I've made the patience center extra large and added three fuses to handle the overload."
"There are overload switches for emotions. Its heart must not break when it talks to a mother whose child has just died. It has to talk to a rape victim and show empathy, a suicidal person and show calmness and reassurance and an abusive drunk without getting angry. When one of the officers yells for help, it can't panic. There is a soft spot for frightened children, abandoned or hurt animals and little old ladies who are lonely and just need to talk to someone."
The angel looked around and said, "The dispatcher sounds wonderful, Lord. Where is this amazing creation?"
"Well you see," answered the Lord, "dispatchers are invisible unless they make a mistake. Now that I have created one, I can't see the original model to make enough of them to go around."